Can you like someone you have never seen before?10

Summary: Phil starts getting cute, little messages from a stranger.

-o-

Being in love is a funny thing.
The second you develop feelings for another person, they suddenly occupy your whole mind.
You can’t stop wondering what they’re doing, thinking, saying at every moment. You want to be cute and lovey-dovey with them. You want to be loved by them just as much as you love them. And of course, you want to spend as much time with them as possible.
But whatever you were doing, they were always on your mind.

So it wasn’t surprising that everything I could think of during the last few minutes of my last lesson that day was Dan, and the confusing perfection he was.
Lunch had ended way too early and soon enough we had to go back to our classes, unfortunately having none of them together.
Though we kept sending text messages whenever we were sure we wouldn’t get caught, I stilled missed him a lot.
It wasn’t only him though, I also missed the way he made me feel loved and safe all the time. With him by my side I knew no one could hurt me in any way.

People were talking even more about us now, after we had practically cuddled throughout the whole lunch period, I didn’t care though. Except for the few homophobes, none of their talking was rude or mean towards me or Dan. They were just curious as how this, how us had happened. And how could you blame them? If anyone had told me a week before that Dan Howell was going to be my boyfriend, I’d have called them crazy. After all, for them we probably seemed to be the complete opposite, but none of them knew Dan like I did. As Dan had said, they only knew the person he had pretended to be.
I was glad he had been honest with me from the day on we had started speaking. Besides, it also made me feel kind of special, as I was the only one he had felt like he could truly trust. And I had trusted him too, even then when I had no idea who he was.

I jumped slightly as the bell ripped me out of my thoughts, quickly grabbing my books I stood up and skipped over to the door, excited to finally see Dan again and maybe even spend the afternoon with him.
We had decided to meet in front of the school, so I was quite confused when I saw him leaning against the wall opposite of my class room.
Nevertheless I smiled at him cheerfully and swiftly walked over, engulfing him into a bone-breaking hug, showing him how much I had missed him, even though we had only been parted for a few hours.
I buried my head affectionately into the crock of his neck and placed a little kiss onto the exposed flesh.

“Why hello there”, he chuckled silently, wrapping his arms around me tightly, stroking the back of my head slightly with one hand.
“Hey”, I mumbled, not sure if he had even understood anything.
“I missed you loads”, Dan confessed softly. I lifted my head up from his shoulder to look at his flawless face, a happy smile on my lips.
“Missed you too”, I replied pecking his cheek quickly. “Do you maybe, I don’t know, want to come around mine?”, I asked shyly, gazing up  through my eye lashes into his gleaming eyes.
Dan’s lips curled up into an excited smile, showing of his cute dimples.

“Yes, of course”, Dan exclaimed and let go of our hug to entwine our fingers, as we started heading to the exit. “Are we going to tell your mum that we’re dating?”, he asked, giving me an unsure side glance.

I thought about that for a moment. My mum knew that I went to the school dance with someone. She didn’t ask who it was, but she had probably kind of sensed that it was more than just an ordinary date.

“Don’t worry, my mum knows I had a date for Saturday, so I’m pretty sure she can put one and one together, when I suddenly bring someone around she hasn’t met before”, I laughed, squeezing his hand encouragingly as he still seemed nervous. “I’m sure she’ll like you. How could she not? You seem to be a quite good example for an amazing boyfriend”, I chuckled, receiving an amused smile from him.
“Well, I hope you’re right”, Dan chirped and started swinging our hands, while we walked the short distance to my house.

“Mum?”, I called when we entered the hall way, hearing the TV in the living room, I assumed she was at home for once. “I want you to meet someone”, I continued, dragging Dan gently over to where my mother most likely was.
She looked up surprised, eyeing Dan curiously as we stopped in front of her. Her face split into a small, but nevertheless extremely happy smile, as she noticed our linked hands.
“Mum”, this is Dan, my boyfriend”, I blurted out, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck, as I waited for her to answer.
Dan shifted nervously from one foot to the other next to me, and I softly squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him.

“Oh my god. You’re both looking at me like I’m going to eat you or something”, my mum laughed, “it’s totally your decision who to date, Phil. And Dan seems pretty nice to me. So don’t worry, it’s fine with me.”
I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I had been holding, and smiled at my mother gratefully. Dan relaxed as well, not gripping on my hand too tight anymore, just loosely holding it.  
I knew my mum well enough to be sure that she wouldn’t have anything against mine and Dan’s relationship, but she had taken it a lot cooler than even I had thought.

“Oh, and Phil”, my mum started, her gaze already directed at the TV again. “If you decided to sleep over at Dan’s again, it would be nice to just tell me and not invent some story about being with PJ.” She tried to suppress a smile, but the corner of her lips twitched distinctly.
I wanted to deny it, but my blushing cheeks would have given away that I was lying anyway, so I just gave her an awkward smile saying “Yeah, sure.”

Dan grinned slyly next to me as he pulled his arm around me lovingly, trying not to laugh at my mum’s cheekiness. I chuckled lightly at his poor attempts, and soon enough the both of us were having a serious laughing fit, no able to do anything about it; the situation was just too awkward.

“Have you told your parents yet, Dan?”, my mum asked after a few moments, when Dan and I both eventually had stopped laughing.
Dan suddenly stiffened besides me, obviously feeling quite uneasy about my mum’s question.
“Nope, we thought about telling you first. His parents aren’t at home for a few days anyway”, I explained, wondering what had caused Dan’s sudden mood swing. My mum hadn’t noticed though, she was too busy looking at the TV.

I did though, it was hard for me not to. But maybe that was only, because I had known Dan a lot longer than her, or because I was standing right next to him.
His grip around my waist had slightly tightened and I could feel him clench his fingers; he was also standing there oddly still and tense.
Unnoticeable for my mum I moved my hand to his and softly caressed it with my fingers, waiting until he had relaxed. I looked at him concerned but he ignored me or didn’t see me at all as his gaze was directed somewhere else, he was obviously thinking about something pretty deep.  

“Well, mum. I’m going to show Dan my room, okay?”, I said, wanting to be alone with Dan to ask him about his funny behaviour.
My mum looked up from the TV and nodded at me, smiling lightly. “Yeah, of course. No funny business though”, she glared at me, but I could tell she was only joking. She knew me well enough to be sure that I wouldn’t do anything with Dan just yet.
I took Dan’s hand gently into mine and dragged him up to my room.

Closing the door behind us, I swiftly turned around and before Dan could even take a look around, I already had opened my mouth to speak.
“Dan, what’s wrong?”, I asked worriedly.
He looked up into my eyes but quickly averted his gaze, fiddling with his hands nervously. I waited, knowing he needed time to put his thoughts into words.
“It’s about my parents”, he said eventually. “I can’t tell them about us dating.”

He sounded so broken and disappointed in himself, I couldn’t help myself but dash forward, engulfing him in a tight hug, holding him as close as possible.
“You don’t have to tell them, if you don’t want to”, I reassured him, petting his hair softly. I understood how he must feel. Not everyone’s parents were as open-minded as my mum.
“No, Phil. You don’t understand. I do want to, but I can’t. They’re going to  hate me and you as well, if they ever find out. They’re as homophobic as anyone could be”, he choked our, tears brimming in his brown eyes as he gripped tighter on my shirt, holding me as if I’d run away any second.
I rubbed his back soothingly trying to comfort him in any way.  
Even though he would never admit it in fear of seeming girly-ish, I knew pretty well how much he needed a hug at that moment, so I just held him tighter.

It had never come to my mind that Dan would have homophobic parents, but I didn’t know them at all, so I wasn’t exactly in a position to judge them. Dan hadn’t often mentioned them either. He had always distracted me in some way when I had started to ask about them. This had never occurred to me though, not until now anyway.

“How do you know they’re homophobic though?”, I asked Dan carefully after a few moments, not letting go of him yet.
“I kind of told my mum I was bi and she slapped me around the face and then said something about homosexuality being wrong and a sin”, Dan answered after a little moment of silence, his voice drenched with disgust towards his mother, one of the two human beings that should always love him and care about him, no matter what.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, baby”, I murmured into his ear, the nickname slipping out of my mouth. I usually wasn’t one for using cheesy pet names, but I felt like it was necessary to make him feel more loved, as his parents obviously didn’t show enough of that.

“Can I show you something?”, Dan asked shyly after a few moments, pulling back from our hug just enough to gaze into my eyes. The look in his cinnamon-coloured orbs made my heart break. He looked so afraid and worried, the usual sparkle in his eyes completely vanished, only to be replaced by dullness.
“Yes, of course. You know you can trust me”, I reassured him, worrying about what he was going to say.
Dan nodded once and then stepped fully back, leaving me shivering due to the lack of heat his body had radiated.

I watched him cautiously as he seemed to take a deep breath before he spoke up once again.
“I told you I’d be completely honest with you, right?”, he mumbled, his voice shaking. I nodded, confused at what he was meaning.
Dan watched me for a few seconds and then slowly started to roll up the sleeves of the jumper he was wearing.
My heart sunk, as my brain processed what the reason for his doing most likely was.

Dan looked down to his feet, as he lifted his right arm, to show me the flawless tanned skin there.
But as I eyed it more carefully, I noticed it wasn’t as flawless as I had thought.
Not too noticeable, but still there were several cuts, littering Dan’s wrist. Most of them were already healed, but there were also a fair few quite recent-looking ones.
I hesitantly reached out and took Dan’s arm carefully into my hand, softly brushing over the damaged skin beneath my fingers, tears filling my eyes.

“But why?”, I choked out, not letting the tears fall from my eyes. What had happened that Dan had felt like he needed to hurt himself?
“My parents are quite good at making me feel like everything is my fault…”, Dan mumbled, still not meeting my eyes.
Why were his parents making Dan - the most perfect human being existing - feel like shit and watching him hurt himself?
He had done nothing wrong. For heaven’s sake, it wasn’t his choice to like boys.

No thinking about it, I raised Dan’s scarred arm to my face and gently kissed his scars - the deep ones, the shallow ones. I showered his whole forearm with kisses, leaving a trail of tears behind.
Dan eventually looked up again, his forehead furrowed in confusion at what I was doing. He obviously hadn’t expected that kind of reaction after confessing that he was self-harming.
“Please, baby, don’t hurt yourself anymore. You’re perfect just the way you are, don’t let anyone tell you differently, especially not your parents”, I mumbled while continuing to place kisses all over his wrist, desperately trying to not break down right there and then. I had to be strong for Dan now. He needed me.

“I’m not going to do it again, don’t worry, Phil”, Dan stated, making me look up at him again. He softly brushed out the hair that was falling into my eyes, when he continued to talk.
“I haven’t thought about doing it since the day we first started talking through text messages”, Dan reassured me, smiling at the memory and gently wiped away the few drops on my cheeks.
“You make me happier than I have ever felt before. Just you being your dorky and completely adorable self had made me realise how much stronger I was than that”, he confessed, a small smile playing around the corner of his lips.

I slowly reached out to cup his face with my hand, slightly caressing the soft skin beneath my fingers.
“You’re perfect, Daniel”, I began, using his full name to emphasize how serious I was being. “Even with your wrists littered with scars, you’re still the most perfect human being to me. And the fact that you managed to stop shows how strong you truly are.”
I slowly leaned in a pressed a soft kiss to his lips, putting all of my love and care for him into it, trying to show him how much I really meant everything I had said.

Dan kissed back just as softly, almost hesitantly. I could feel his cheeks becoming drenched with tears. My own or his, I had no idea. But they weren’t exactly sad tears, they were tears of realization.
We both realized in that moment how deep our feelings for each other really were.

“Promise me something?”, I asked, pulling back and staring deeply into his eyes. Dan nodded, a smile plastered onto his face. “If you ever feel like hurting yourself again, come to me first, okay?”
Dan stared back into my eyes, his look full of love and amazement. “Yes, of course”, he promised and flung his hands around me once again.